Have you ever considered that in order to save your marriage you may need to stop talking so much with your spouse?

To many people in New York not talking, fighting, and showing all the dramatic emotion goes against the grain of working things out, but for many it can make the difference between a vow renewal ceremony and divorce.

A therapist’s couch is where most couples end up when the marriage turns sour. They start out angry and upset, and often it is an uncomfortable position to be in that causes a lot of anxiety. Yet, after a few sessions some couples start to become closer again and work out their issues. Others will continue to make the sessions unpleasant and will never work anything out.

If you want to turn talk time into a rekindled marriage, you have to understand at some point that the actual talking is not what heals a marriage. What will ultimately save a relationship is both people being able to really listen to one another and then take deliberate steps outside of talk time to make things better for one another.

The key is listening, not talking. Couples therapists can be a great tool, as long as you use them in the right way. Two people staring bitterly at the floor, breath sucked in tight, waiting for their turn to spill all the dirt and get even with the other person, will likely never work anything out. You have to actually listen to one another.

Another way to totally screw things up is to leave the talk session in a rage, screaming and yelling at one another. Or, you can completely shut one another out and refuse to talk at all. In either case, you aren’t like to move forward with positive action to fix the problems and all the fighting or ignoring will lead nowhere.

The recipe for success is a short period of open, honest, attack-free discussion with a marriage counseling NYC therapist where both people are allowed to state the issues as they see it without worry of attack or revenge. If you really listen to one another and then take deliberate action to start fixing the issues, you may really be able to save the relationship.

It ultimately comes down to listening and acting, not talking. You don’t need drama, screaming, or throwing objects at one another in order to save your marriage. Honest conversations followed by action will work much better for everyone involved.